I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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