She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
