My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
