Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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