so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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