She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
is that a dick in a sweater?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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