1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
