My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
