This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
