I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
