Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
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Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
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MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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