She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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