I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
