she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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