be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
