My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize