sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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