So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
