Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
