I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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