Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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