bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
