im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
