NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Randomize
