Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
