I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
