I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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