maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
