Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
