More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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