from now on my penis is your penis
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
