I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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