I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
