i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm sobbing to NWA
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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