not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The uberlube is also flammable
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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