my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't deserve a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My vagina is very pro this idea
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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