he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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