Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
