I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
