I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
