It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
