I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
