Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
