i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
