Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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