I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You are the jesus of drinking
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
