you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
