Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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