Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
