I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
