Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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