I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
