Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
