It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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