He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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