I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
