i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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