I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
