i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I understand Curling. That high.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
