so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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