So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
