Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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