this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
